Healing and Independence: Albanian Women’s Path Out of Domestic Abuse

Kristina Tolaj* looked calmed and casual, with a pair of black headphones around her neck as she approached for our interview. She was listening to music that had become a source of calm amidst the chaos of her past. Almost in her 30s now, Kristina has started a new life, in a new town, new house and a job she holds for the first time.

“When I first started working, it felt strange,” she says, her words measured. “Before, I never had the freedom to make decisions for myself or my children. I was imprisoned - physically and emotionally. Now, everything has changed. I make choices for myself and do what I love.”

For eight years, she lived under the same roof as her in-laws and her two children. Her husband was mostly working abroad, and his comeback were marked by physical and psychological violence, leaving her feeling trapped in a cycle of abuse and servitude. On top of that, the expectations from her in-laws to care for the household left her overwhelmed. “I had no voice, no control over my own life,” she says, her voice firm but pained.

Kristina’s experience mirrors the reality faced by many women and girls in Albania. The 2018 National Survey on Violence Against Women and Girls in Albania revealed that nearly 1 in 2 women (47%) had experienced intimate partner domestic violence at some point in their lives​. The entrenched social norms that perpetuate gender-based violence were also apparent, with half of the surveyed women reporting that their communities still viewed domestic violence as a private matter that should not involve external intervention​.

“In the beginning, I thought of my children,” Kristina shares. “If they stayed in that place, they wouldn’t have the life children deserve. Someone else would be making decisions for them.” Her eldest, a six-year-old daughter at the time, was suffering the trauma deeply and often pleaded with her mother to leave the house. Witnessing her child’s distress and pain became the final push Kristina needed to break free.

For a year Kristina and her children sought support from her parents and later a relative connected her with the women’s rights organization Different & Equal that supports survivors of violence in rebuilding their lives.

In August 2023, Kristina and her children moved into a residential shelter run by Different & Equal, a UN Women and Government of Sweden partner through the UN Joint Programme, Ending Violence Against Women and Girls in Albania. “At the beginning, it was very hard for them,” says Ana Lila, a case manager at Different & Equal. “The unfamiliar city, the trauma her children were dealing with, and the emotional upheaval made adjustment difficult. Her children often acted out their pain, needing her constant presence.”

Different & Equal provided Kristina Tolaj and her children a caring and loving environment. They underwent comprehensive health evaluations and received medical assistance. Psychologists at the shelter worked closely with the mother to stabilize her emotional state, offering trauma counseling, emotional regulation support, and parenting sessions. “Initially she was resistant, but slowly opened up. Her children, too, began to heal, attending school and benefiting from educational support provided at the shelter”, says Ana Lila.

Kristina Tolaj had never held a formal job or taken professional training before. However, she loved to cook. Through the organization she participated in a three-month internship at a social business, where she was trained as an assistant chef. After the internship, Tolaj was offered a full-time position. One year later, she happily works there. “I’m proud to provide for my children.”

In the frameworks of the UN Joint Programme and UN Women’s intervention, Different & Equal has supported nearly 500 women and children over the past year, providing a comprehensive range of services, including healthcare, legal aid, psychological counseling, vocational training, and housing assistance. So far, 69 women have found employment, and over 250 families have received rental support. Kristina Tolaj is one of them. With financial independence from her job and rental assistance for the first six months, she recently moved into her own apartment.

Ana Lila, emphasizes the importance of a strong support network. “Tolaj’s family has been incredibly supportive, both emotionally and morally,” Ana explains. “Her brothers and sisters are an example of how crucial family backing can be for a survivor’s well-being.”

The vast majority of women who sought help did so with the encouragement or support of their own family, with 98.9% turning to their family members, as per the National Survey​.

Tolaj has also started divorce proceedings, with legal guidance from Different & Equal. The process is ongoing, but she finally feels ready for this next chapter, knowing she has a supportive community behind her.

Tolaj’s message to other women is one of hope and determination. “Think of yourself and fight hard to get out of that situation,” she urges. “You are stronger than you realize.”

With the support of UN Women and partners, women like Kristina Tolaj are not just surviving but reclaiming their futures. Each success story reinforces the urgent need to invest in women and girls, proving that when women are empowered, entire communities thrive.

*Name changed to protect the identity of the survivor.